Emotional Abuse - Cris Paulson

Remember that old song that says “Killing me softly with his words…”? Only it doesn’t feel soft. It feels like a knife. Why doesn’t this marriage work? Why does this friendship feel so toxic? There’s nothing wrong with the words, but after we “talk” I feel so confused.

Emotional abuse is when someone uses your words, actions, and emotions against you, so you doubt yourself and let them control you. They try to erase your natural personality, or sense of humor, or confidence or connections, so that they will be the only voice in your life. They manipulate by causing doubt, accusing, criticizing, threatening, withdrawing physically or withholding love/affection. They wear you down, then make decisions for you—they even remember things for you! (But there’s a tiny voice in your head that says that’s not the way it happened.) You wonder if you’re crazy! You want to show love to them, so you try doing things their way. But you feel like someone else—a blow-up doll, or an extension of them. You lose yourself.

This workshop will explain different ways Emotional Abuse shows up in relationships. We will list red flags and tell stories, then focus on ways to survive and thrive in a hostile relationship.

• Change the dance
• Stop trying to reason with them
• Ask questions with respect
• Reframe the conversation
• Avoid bullies
• Keep yourself intact
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I hope to build your confidence, and explain that you don’t have to let yourself be controlled. You can have your own thoughts, feelings, memories and reactions. You can be the person who God wants you to be—without guilt! Woe to him who argues with his Maker (about you!)… (Isaiah 45:9-10).