by Barb Mulvey
Marriage! Source of joy, source of heartache. When my husband and I do marriage counseling we are never surprised by the recurring themes we hear when we meet with people. We said exactly the same things to our counselors. I was a finger pointer; he was an evader. I got angry; he got quiet. I wanted more; he just wanted to survive. I demanded, yelled and pouted; he retreated, hid and blame shifted. What a mess! No wonder we blew up our marriage at 10 years. But God, in His mercy, led me to good Biblical help and slowly, after a two year separation we began to restore our marriage. This year we will celebrate 42 years. God truly is amazing! Was it easy? No! Was it worth it? Yes! We all struggle with wrong expectations in our marriage. We want the other person to be our God or we want to be their God. Jim and I only found true joy when we realized that there is a God and we are not Him!
For years I wanted Jim to be my everything. When he didn’t deliver I didn’t handle it well. I wanted Jim to be my knight in shining armor. Now I know that I do have a knight in shining armor. His name is Jesus! Now I know there is a better way. I often tell women this, “God is the cake, Jim is the icing.” What do I mean by that? God really is enough. He fills my soul. He pours His love into my heart. God is the cake. Jim is the icing. Sometimes I have cake without icing. It’s still cake! It still tastes great. It’s great when Jim meets my needs. It’s great when we have a good conversation or a sweet time together. But if he doesn’t, I still have my cake. Rather than looking horizontally for Jim to be my everything, I look vertically, I look up. God truly is my everything. He is enough! My relationship with Him is strong. He listens! He hears my every thought. He loves me! He is always available, never too tired or too distracted. Isn’t that what you yearn for?
Are you struggling in your marriage? Do you wish there was some help? I want to invite you to a seminar on Saturday February 23rd from 9am to noon at North Church in Albuquerque. The cost is only $10 per couple which includes childcare. Singles are $5 each. The seminar title is Marriage Myth busters. There will be skits, humor, teaching from the Bible. If you are interested in going click on this link. Jim and I will be teaching some of the lessons we learned as we rebuilt our relationship.
What are some of the cultural myths we will be tackling? “If my spouse loved me they would make me happy”, “I need to protect my heart so I don’t get hurt again”, “I am in such a bad marriage, wouldn’t it be best just to give up on it and get a divorce?” “My spouse should be more like me, think like me, like what I like. Only then will there be harmony in the home.” If you have heard yourself say or think these things, or if you have heard others, come to the seminar! Bring your friends! I would love to see you there.